NO idea what I'm doing

Someone once said you should be careful about what you wish for, you might actually get it. In my case, that seems to have come true.

August of 2011 I moved out of my house, separated from my wife. I was tired of how I was being treated and I couldn't stand to be around her anymore. I went through the counseling, some attempts at working it out. In the end though, I was just faking it because it wasn't what I really wanted. I already had another plan in mind, and in place. And that's what I wanted.

And now here I am, divorced, and yet already entangled in a relationship that feels like it's just not right. Maybe it's me being too picky over things. Maybe it's the fact that the whole thing was created on bad terms and illicitly. Or maybe it's God getting in my head and saying "Son, you got things to fix."

The other night the realization came to me that I still loved my wife. It hit me hard. And yet I'm way deep into this other relationship and the part of me that hates to see anyone cry is not sure how to handle this.

In the end I don't know what to do. So I'm going to do the one thing I can do, and that's pray.

And if anyone else would like to pray for me, I'd appreciate it.